THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK

THREE GUYS AND… A MOVIE

series created by Marvin Mercer and Nick Stephenson

“THE LOST WORLD: JURASSIC PARK”

written by Dominick Cappello

INDIFFERENT:

“Jurassic Park” was almost like the “Star Wars” of my generation. I was eight years old when it was released in 1993. I’ve never come across anyone who likes both “The Lost World: Jurassic Park” and “Jurassic Park III.” It’s either one or the other. I guess I would fall into the preferring “Jurassic Park III” camp despite of its ludicrous premise because “The Lost World” screenplay was far too jaded. (“Jurassic World” is its own discussion.)

Who was the real villain of “The Lost World?” Tyrannosaurus? Velociraptors? Peter Ludlow (John Hammond’s nephew)? Perhaps, but every death in this movie was Nick Van Owen’s fault. Vince Vaughn’s character. The InGen camp was destroyed because he freed the captive dinosaurs. He then brought the infant T-Rex back to his camp, which lead the adult T-Rexes there, who preceded to destroy the trailers and radio equipment and make a wishbone out of poor Richard Schiff. So, neither team could call for help because of Nick Van Owen’s rampage and were forced to trek into the island’s interior, home of the velociraptors.

Even though Sarah Harding warned everyone that the T-Rexes may continue to stalk them, Nick tampered with Roland Tembo’s elephant gun, leaving them defenseless when the T-Rexes attacked. So, the male T-Rex was tranquilized instead and brought to San Diego. Those who avoided being eaten by the T-Rexes where chased into a velociraptor ambush. Even these deaths are Nick Van Owen’s fault because they were only on that part of the island because he destroyed all the radio equipment and the female T-Rex was hot on their heels because of him. Some may say that the InGen team deserved their fate, but what of all the innocent people in San Diego? Who were killed when the T-Rex escaped captivity? The T-Rex even ate a dog. Screw you, Nick Van Owen. You hippie jackass.

The theme of the movie was “hunters vs. gathers”, but the filmmakers didn’t trust the audience to make up their own minds. The hunters were vilified, even though the cloned dinosaurs were essentially their property. Remember that life will find a way. If these dinosaurs had escaped on their own and made a meal out of InGen employees, then that was their fate, but the “heroes” of this film forced the issue and caused way too much death and destruction to be sympathetic. “Jurassic Park III” was dumb, but enjoyable as a summertime popcorn movie. “The Lost World: Jurassic Park” was overly preachy, hypocritical, and dreary.

The only time I defend this movie is when people say that Ian Malcolm having only one daughter is a continuity gaff since he said he had three kids in the original film. We don’t know just how many ex-Mrs. Malcolm’s there are. He could be the Ric Flair of mathematicians. He could have kids with other women who didn’t dump them on him that particular day. Or, they could be older children, who don’t need a babysitter. Besides, they’re better off not having been subjected to the wrath of Nick Van Owen.

– Dr. Rochester

Author: Dominick

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