MONDAY NIGHT RAW 5/9/16

THREE GUYS AND… WWE

series created by Marvin Mercer and Nick Stephenson

“MONDAY NIGHT RAW 5/9/16”

written by Dominick Cappello

RAW didn’t begin win the The McMahons. Hallelujah. Chris Jericho hosted the Highlight Reel, explaining that Dean Ambrose was kayfabe injured and that Mitch the potted plant now rests in peace. He was then interrupted by Big Cass. I’m missing Enzo Amore, but Big Cass is doing okay on his own for now.

Stephanie McMahon is pretending to play nice with Shane-O-Mac, but it’s obvious (or at least it should be obvious) that a double-cross is on the horizon. Baron Corbin defeated Dolph Ziggler clean in the opening match, so is this the end of the feud or will they have a rubber match at WWE Extreme Rules? With Damien Sandow having been released by WWE last week, I’m far too disgusted to even look at The Miz. I’m boycotting him for the time being. As far as I’m concerned, the Intercontinental Championship is vacant. I’m just waiting to see who will leave WWE Extreme Rules with the title. Cesaro, Kevin Owens, or Sami Zayn.

“Nature Boy” Ric Flair was barred from ringside, but the dirtiest player in the game doesn’t obey the rules and it seemed like he wanted to throw hands with Natalya. This lead to Paige gaining an upset victory over Charlotte. In the other women’s storyline (and it’s cool that there’s more than one women’s storyline going on at the same time), Becky Lynch, my one true love, is always the punching bag. Emma reunited with Dana Brooke, her partner in crime from NXT, and they beat Becky down backstage. Since WWE isn’t doing anything with Sasha Banks at the moment, how about Becky & Sasha vs. Emma & Dana?

#WeWantLana #RavishingRussian

Lana introduced Rusev, who had Lana in his corner, and he was upset by Sin Cara after outside interference from Kalisto. The referee was distracted by Lana. Not that you can blame him. Who wouldn’t be distracted by Lana? Lana was not happy with the result of this match. Did I happen to mention that Lana was at ringside for this match? Will my blog become more popular if I mention Lana on a regular basis?

It’s fun to boo Roman Reigns. Roman Reigns is not effected by the boos. In fact, Roman Reigns likes it when the crowd boos him… What absolute horseshit. This is what we started hearing about John Cena in about 2006 or so. The WWE is quite lame sometimes. Please, please, stop saying that it’s fun. It’s really like they dusted off an old John Cena script for the announcers and just copied and pasted Roman Reigns. The Family (Roman Reigns & The Usos) fought The Club (AJ Styles, Karl Anderson, & Doc Gallows) to a no contest in a Survivor Series style match. Despite the WWE mismanaging Roman Reign ever since he returned from a hernia in late 2014, his rivalry with AJ Styles has been expertly booked.

Kevin Owens defeated Zach Ryder. Zach had his shining moment at WrestleMania, but now he’s already back to being a whipping boy. Too bad, but KO is still my hero for always punking out that bitch Michael Cole before, during, and after his matches. The Dudley Boyz defeated The New Day. There was outside interference from The Vaudevillains. Men are here! The main event was supposed to be Chris Jericho vs. Big Cass. Wow, it’s impressive that Big Cass is involved with the main event, but the match didn’t happen. Dean Ambrose stole Y2J’s light-bright jacket and tore out the fiberoptic cables and that’s how the show ended. I’m always happy to see Dean Ambrose, but it was anti-climatic.

Oh, and by the way, Bob Backlund is back on WWE programming. Cool.

– Dr. Rochester

Author: Dominick

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