THREE GUYS AND… MOVIES
series created by Marvin Mercer and Nick Stephenson
“HALLOWEEN: BEST TO WORST, PART 1”
written by Dominick Cappello
With a new “Halloween” film on the horizon, we doctors have sat down to rank the films in the series from our favorites to the crumbiest. In the not too distant future, each film will be it’s own review, but for now here’s a blurb for each entry in the long running slasher movie series…
1. John Carpenter’s Halloween (1978)
No surprise here. “Halloween” is the “Citizen Kane” of slasher movies. None of the sequels have been able to top it. The opening being from the point of view of the killer, then the reveal that the killer is a six year old boy dressed up as a clown for Halloween. No explanation is given for why Michael Myers is the way he is. He is purely and simply evil. A silent assassin without motive who escapes from a mental institution after fifteen years to stalk and murder babysitters on Halloween night. Laurie Strode was not revealed to be his sister until the sequel, so the first film is very much straight forward. Dr. Loomis is to Michael Myers what Professor Van Helsing was to Count Dracula. An arch nemesis who wants the rid the world of evil. Laurie Strode is the archetype for the slasher movie “final girl.” Her friends smoke pot and have sex, so they die, whereas she is innocent, so the filmmakers allow her to live. A trope the “Friday the 13th” films picked up and ran with. John Carpenter’s score is classic. It makes you nervous that Michael Myers could be lurking around every corner and you never know when he’ll strike.
2. Halloween II (1981)
Not as a critically acclaimed as the first film, but pretty damn good. Picking up from where the first film left off, Michael Myers follows Laurie Strode to a hospital. John Carpenter stays on as producer and the film is directed by Rick Rosenthal. It’s gorier than the first film, but sill has its suspenseful moments. Laurie spends most of the film in bed while Michael targets the hospital staff. Meanwhile, Dr. Loomis discovers that Laurie is Michael’s sister and this gives Michael his motivation for every sequel. He wants to kill his remaining blood relatives and anyone who gets in his way. The film ends with an explosion that apparently kills both Michael and Dr. Loomis, but they would be resurrected by the power cash grab sequels.
3. Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
The ten year anniversary of the first film. Michael Myers wakes from a coma and searches for his niece, Jamie Lloyd, the daughter of Laurie Strode, who was killed in a car accident. That’s the nice way off saying Jamie Lee Curtis didn’t want to be in the movie. Dr. Loomis also survived the explosion (somehow) and tries to stop Michael. Gorier than the first two films, almost like a “Friday the 13th”, but with more gravitas because of Donald Pleasance. Whatever your thoughts, you have to admit it has a killer ending which implies Jamie Lloyd is the next Michael Myers.
4. Halloween: H20 (1998)
The twenty year anniversary of the first film. The 1980s slasher movie craze was over and done with, but thanks to Wes Craven’s “Scream”, slasher movies were popular again and Michael Myers was back in action. Jamie Lee Curtis even returned because it was no longer taboo to star in a horror movie. A soft reboot which ignored all the films except for the first two. Laurie had faked her death and is now the head mistress of a posh boarding school with an 18 year old son. Michael Myers’ mask looked like shit, but H20 was a nice continuation of Laurie’s story and a logically conclusion to her character even if “Halloween Resurrection” ruined everything.
5. Rob Zombie’s Halloween (2007)
Well, it was only a matter of time until “Halloween” was rebooted. So many mixed feelings about this film. Not a great “Halloween” film, but a decent Rob Zombie film. It gets points for not being as blah as the Platinum Dune produced remakes of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”, “Friday the 13th”, and “A Nightmare on Elm Street”. The first half of the film is a prequel and the second half is a remake. Being that every character was a white trash sexual deviant, maybe Rob Zombie’s talent would have been better suited for a something like the “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” remake?
Part 2 coming soon…