THREE GUYS AND… REALITY TV
series created by Marvin Mercer and Nick Stephenson
“BIG BROTHER 18: THESE TWISTS SUCK”
written by Dominick Cappello
I’m only up to Big Brother 4 in my attempt to chronicle the history of Big Brother U.S.A. but I felt I needed to chime in after tonight’s double eviction where once again it was revealed that no one was holding the coveted round trip ticket. I think this twist is only in play for one more eviction, so it may turn out to be complete waste of a twist. There’s plenty to be said about the lackluster gameplay from this season’s houseguests, but production is badly compounding the situation by throwing in too many twists that keep backfiring.
First, they bring back four fan favorites who haven’t improved as players since the last time we saw them. Frank (BB14) couldn’t help but put a target on his back. He had to be the alpha male no matter what. The comp beast from four years ago couldn’t even make the jury this year. Da’Vonne (BB17) is perceptive, but she couldn’t stop herself from spilling the wrong information to the wrong people at the wrong time. Timing is everything and she just doesn’t have it. Sure, she made the jury, but after finishing in 16th place last year, anything would have been improvement comparatively speaking. James (BB17) is still all about that showmance. Good for him because Natalie is more enchanted with him than Meg ever was. He’s not in the dreaded friend-zone this year, but he’s been playing sans a backbone. He’s campaigning for America’s Favorite Player which – sorry – insures that he won’t win the game.
And then there’s Nicole (BB16). The biggest disappointment of them all. Has the strategy she’s implemented ever worked? Hiding behind all the boys? Selling everyone, especially the other girls, down the river? Obsessed with being in a showmance with a dumbbell? What’s her endgame? To be the last girl standing and then get voted out when the boys don’t need her as a number anymore? She was one of favorites two summer’s ago, but now she’s the house rat. I can’t believe she’s fallen so far in my estimation.
Just like BB11 and BB14, the house was divided into four teams, but outside of the potential showmances, nobody gave two craps about their teams. Houseguests were throwing the HOH competitions hoping for someone from their own team to be evicted that week. It was like Battle of the Block all over again with everyone trying to throw everything. The hell with that. The closest they had to a successful twist were the Road-Kill competitions. This was a much better and fairer way to determine a third nominee than the MVP in BB15 because everyone had a fair shot of winning Road-Kill. However, all it did was lead to Bronte being evicted. Don’t even get me started on the Battle Back. Obviously, this was a safety measure just in case one of the four returnees or the two siblings of past players, Paulie and Tiffany, were evicted pre-jury. Well, the Battle Back was won by Victor. The absolute worst of the five choices. Everyone desperately wanted Tiffany to reenter the game and shake things up, but instead it was Victor, who lamely maintained the status quo.
The most recent flop of a twist has been the aforementioned round trip ticket, which was housed in a secret room. Paul was the first one to find his way into the secret room via a tunnel that he unlocked by dialing the correct number in the phone booth, but that meant nothing because every houseguest eventually crawled into the room and selected a ticket. It’s totally random. There was no advantage to being first. Because this twist is still in play, all I can say is that if douchebag woman hater Paulie is evicted next week and the ticket sends right back into the house, I just might spit on my TV. I’d be so mad. However, if the ticket saves someone like Natalie, I’d be cool with that. #TeamNatalie